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May. 8th, 2008 03:57 pm
wolfsmilk: (Default)
[personal profile] wolfsmilk
"You fool, marriage is now out of the question!" said K. When he put it to me that way, I had to agree with him.

"Why didn't you write to me earlier?" K asked angrily. But it was K who had sent absolutely no response to my first letter. I didn't think that I was the one at fault.

Raising his voice, K finally shouted, "I wish you had run away!" This made me cry. K just didn't understand. If I had run away, I would have gotten lost.

"Go ahead and cry," said K, circling around me. "You didn't take care of yourself, so you can't understand my feelings one bit. I'll tell you one thing, though; a dog can't take his own life, but a person can. If you can't understand that much, just keep on whimpering like a dog."

I wondered if I really was whimpering like a dog, which worried me so much, I stopped automatically. After I had stopped crying, I looked up and saw that K had left, and in the place he had been sitting was a small bottle of sleeping pills.

I felt that K had turned into a bottle of sleeping pills and was telling me to go ahead and die. This thought calmed me and suddenly I did want to die. I started by taking ten tablets, but three or four minutes later became terribly frightened and gulped down the rest. Feeling as though I were a post being pounded by a mallet, I fell into a deep sleep.
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